1-I make noises when I both sit down and get up.
2-I'm looking for reasons why I shouldn't go to bed at 9:00 at night.
3-My kids think I was born before the T.V. was invented.
4-I actually went to college when they were still using overhead projectors.
5-When I sleep the creases on my face stay much longer than time should allow.
6-When I put eyeshadow on the skin moves with the brush.
7-I honestly used the word "hip" in a conversation the other day with another mother.
8-I officially agree with my mother that Abercrombie & Fitch play their music way too loud.
9-The other day when I walked into Forever 21 I truly believed that the "you're too old to be in this store" security guard would personally escort me out. And when that didn't happen I felt giddy that I had gotten away it, like I was some underage kid getting into her first bar.
10-I thank people when they ask to see my I.D.
11-And lastly, even if I wanted to feel fun and fancy free and run away from it all I couldn't, because running makes my knees hurt, my hips sore, and the fat on my butt jiggle!
See I told you I had proof! So next time you see me feel free to tell me how rad, hip, cool, awesome, or 2 legit 2 quit I look!
6 comments:
I can't believe how hard I laugh at your writing. You should be a writer...I'll be your agent! However, you'll forgive me if I don't have to much sympathy, wait till you play connect the dots on you face and legs with your sun spots. Wait till you get Relief Society arms, you know when your arm keeps waving long after you have stopped. And the fat on your butt doesn't give you padding any longer so you carry a pillow wherever you go!!Oh, I could go on!
This is the best post! I know exactly what you mean and I have told Abercrombie that the music is too loud and I can't concentrate. They told me that they have to play it that loud. Whatever lame store! Also, if you have shopped at Hollister, I sometimes think I am too old for that store too, but it is so dark I can't even see what color it is or what I am actually buying. This post made me and Craig laugh and agree with everything you said. So Heather, you are radical ( I used the whole word) Sign of oldness. ( I think that is a made up word)
What? They don't use overhead projectors anymore? I'm being serious! Do they use power point? I guess that just showed my age too - now truly 30 something!
ok, whatever! old? you?! naw. . .
on the way home from a very late meeting tonight, i looked at myself in the mirror and kind of scared myself.
no seriously, i did! for reals!
but then i got over it.
i said to myself, while studying my weary face in the car visor mirror with bad lighting, "so this is what a life of diet coke and no sleep looks like?"
there you have it.
what more can i expect?
I totally agree! I go to bed when the kids go to bed, and somedays I go before they do. Then in the morning I can hardly force my aching body out of bed. I think to myself, if I hurt this bad now how will I ever get out of bed 20 years from now. Those 20 years older tell me their 30's was when they were in their prime! Did I miss my prime?
However,
There are things that make me FEEL young. Laughing with my kids, eating oreos with potato chips, riding in the car with loud music and the windows down, and dating my husband!
H- I think I have grown to love your posts almost more than my husband, just don't let him know. I laughed so hard at this one, probably because it rings so true in my own life. I have to increase my caffine intake just so I can watch Jon Stewart and Stephen Cobert. But, H, I tell people that I went to college before the internet was invented and their mouths drop to the floor and all of the sudden I am the oldest person on earth! They ask how I added my classes and I say, "on the phone, a land line phone!" because none of us had cell phones either!! Remember the day!
We are old, but I would rather be old than young, I would never want to live those years again. This is way better!!
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