Workin' At The Car Wash

Now I understand that I might be the last lone person who actually still washes her own car, but I felt the need to express my frustration at the car wash experience. First of all, living where I do this time of year is tricky in respects on when to wash your car. There is always hints of rain or snow on the horizon. So everyday you wonder if it is worth spending your money to get your car clean. You drive around for weeks with a dirty car only to finally give in and then have it snow the next day. So yesterday I washed my car and what a surprise it is raining today! Yet that is not the problem for me. I need someone to explain to me why the self car washes don't work. There are hundreds of them out there and there is always a huge line at them when it's sunny, so why are we tricked into thinking they are going to get our car clean. This is usually my experience at them. First I think I have at least four or five dollars in my purse only to finally get into my wash and realize I have three dollars. So I convince myself that my car isn't that dirty and I can easily wash it in 3 1/2 minutes! What I always forget is that you put in your $2.25 for your 3:47 minutes of wash time and that it takes 2:38 minutes for the actual soap to start coming out of the hose. All the while you have flipped the switch four times because you think maybe you didn't line it up on the right line. Then when the soap finally comes out I realize that I only have 1:11 minutes to wash, rinse and hopefully put some spot free rinse on it. And for some reason I seem to always become obsessed with the bugs on my license plate and I waste 35 seconds high pressure washing the bugs off of my plate only to realize I haven't even put soap on my back window. Then the beeping starts. You know how the machine begins to beep really loud to let you know you are running out of time and you need to put more money in NOW! This is where it becomes a complicated decision. Do I put in my remaining .75 cents to get the soap off or do I use that to vacuum? I decide to vacuum so now it's crunch time. I begin running around my car trying to get all the soap off only to have the swing the hose is stuck to get caught up on something and I begin cursing my decision to think I could do this in 3 1/2 minutes! Then the water runs out but I use the remaining water that is running at a trickle to try and get the soap off my side mirrors. But surprisingly my car looks clean as I pull out to the vacuums. You scan the vacuums hoping to pick the only one there that actually still has suction to it. I pull up close so I can reach both side of my car. I clean out all of the garbage me and my family seem to leave in the car, move all the car seats, push back all the chairs, and clear everything out so that I have an optimal vacuuming atmosphere before I throw my last .75 cents in the machine. Here is where the race really begins. I always wonder if I can get to the whole car before the time runs out. I usually start out easy thinking to bend properly so that I don't kink my neck or something, but as the time has been running and I'm only half way through all bets are off. I find myself contorting my body in ways I shouldn't and inevitably I end up with my behind up in the air for all other fellow car wash customers to see. Just when I think I am almost done the time runs up. But I'm o.k. with it because at this point I'm tired! I drive off the lot proud of my work only to look in my back window to see the grime is still on the edge's where my windshield wiper doesn't reach. Oh well, it's going to rain tomorrow anyway!